the rollercoaster i call

I started playing poker online in 2009, i was introduced to carbon poker by a coworker and that's where i began the ride. I started with Mtt's and sng's i had no real idea how to approach cash games. I was immediatley hooked on the excitement of the possibility of making the money, the adrenaline that comes with shoving all in. I did well with the sng's and some small cashes, a $20 cash was monumental to me at the time, something to build on. My first big downer came in a MTT i had been playing for hours surviving by marginal luck and patience, i was right outside the money looking at a minimum $150+ cash if i made it. I was down to about 6BB with pocket Aces in late position, had to ship it, got called with 910 off suit. flop comes 8J7 much too my dismay Turn 3 flop A. I busted out 2 positions out of the money. I got really down, i felt like i had been cheated. I searched the internet for odds on that type of hand, questioned the forums, i just couldn't believe it. It was my first feel of a downsing and the variance of the game. I went on a terrible downswing, at the time my cousin had introduced me to pokerstars and fulltilt and 6max cash tables. I jumped right in at .10/25 not really knowing what i was doing and not even close to an adequate roll to play at those stakes. I quickly went broke. I studied the limits the strategies, bankroll management and still the alure of 10/25 25/50 was too much i continually watched my roll dissapear. i hit a few heaters during this time but its a certainty that if you play outside your roll u will bust EVERY time. I met a regular on Pstars and shared my troubles with him. One night he just point blank asked me when i was gonna stop throwing away money. Of course i said now!!! First advice he gave me was to stop playing 5 or 6 different things and different stakes. And he had me give him a history of my career in poker. Since my income dosen't allow for a maximixed roll he encouraged me to save and start a new roll the right way. I started all over, decided ok its MTT SNG or bust!!! no cash, no testing the waters stick to what ur best at. I humbly started playing 1.10 2.20 3.30 turbo and rebuy tournaments with my focus on building my stack as much as possible before the addon period. Playing ABC poker, and in the right spots marginal hands such as open ended draws and suited connecters, AA KK all in make em pay to play. I slowly started getting deeper and deeper until June of last year i cashed for $700 T$ in a 1.10 sattelite on PS. I immediately converted it to cash and cashed it out, i left around $150 or so. I then focused on the knockout sng's on PS i an epic night back in feb, i played in 4 $13.50 buy in knockout sng's busted out and kept playing, got frustrated went to the ring games, lost my ass again, my $275 roll was reduced to about $65.00. I was so ashamed of my reckless play. i stopped for about two hours, had an energy drink and said to myself ok u have $65 left if you lose it all tonight ur done, period, if u wanna keep playing u gotta earn it back. I registered for two $13.50 buy in knockout sng's won both of them ended up back up to $170, registered in a 3.30 rebuy add on MTT with about 6k people, finished 8th, cashed for $475.00, played a 1.10 MTT and a 2.20 MTT ended up the night at $740 cashed out 700 right away. After that night i really took a break, a couple of weeks actually. I realized i was worrying too much about making money and forgetting to have fun and forgetting why i fell in love with the game. I know there are many stories out there like this, and i know a $700 win or roll isin't much when there are thousands won every minute out there. But to me it was a huge accomplishment coming from a guy who used to deposit 10 bucks here and 10 there and watch it dissapear in mere seconds. in the process i rediscovered the fun i was having, the adrenaline fix that i loved so much. Since then i still play in my spare time, sng's freerolls and MTT. the buy ins are small and my amount of stress is minimal, and i still have the simple goal of just making my play profitable. Ive read a few slansky books and watch videos regularly. I thank you guys for reading this and if anyone has any advice good or bad please feel free to comment

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